Hey-Cornell: The Musical
By Mikolaj Franaszczuk,
March 2006
This is a
work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the
product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance or relationship to characters or events, living or
dead, is purely coincidental.
Cast
Ryan................................An
aspiring Starbucks worker
Asa...................................His
roommate
Christina..........................His
friend
Dave................................Party
host
Jamie...............................A
babysitter
Lilly
.................................A schoolgirl
Sarah Z.
..........................A teacher
Pete, Tomer, Sarah B.....Union
activists
Ian...................................The
mayor
Emilia..............................City
council member
Clark...............................Starbucks
manager
Scenes and Musical Numbers
ACT
I
Scene 1. Ryan's apartment
"Ryan Ryan Cheddar" based on "Chitty
Chitty Bang
Bang".......................................................................Christina,
Dave, Jamie
Scene 2. Ryan's apartment
"I Just Can't Wait to Serve Cream" based on "I
Just Can't Wait to Be
King" from The Lion King..............
Ryan, Asa
Scene 3. The school, the
street, and Starbucks
"I Think It's a Pocket" inspired by the original "I Think It's a
Pocket"........................................................Christina,
Ryan
Scene 4. Outside Starbucks
"I'ma Union" based on "I'ma
Hustla" by
Cassidy.......................................................................................Tomer,
Pete, Sarah B.
Scene 5. City Hall
"The Budgeting is for Art" based
on "The
Internet is
for Porn" from Avenue
Q..........................................Ian,
Emilia, Asa, Dave, Christina
Scene 6. Ryan's
apartment
"Ryan, Speak Your Mind" based on "What's
My Age Again" by Blink
182..............................................Ryan, Asa, Christina
ACT II
Scene 1. The school
"Nice Colorful
Crayons" based on "The
Bad Touch" (Discovery Channel) by The Bloodhound
Gang...........Sarah Z., Jamie, Lilly
Scene 2. Starbucks
"All the Coffees" based on "All
the Small Things" by Blink
182......................................................................Ryan
Scene 3. Ryan's apartment
& Starbucks
"The Money of the Manager" based on "The
Phantom of the
Opera"............................................................Ryan,
Tomer, Ian, Emilia
Scene 4. Outside Starbucks
"The Worker Keeps His Job Tonight" based on "The
District Sleeps Along
Tonight" by Postal Service........Clark
Scene 5. Dave's
Party
"Ryan, Speak Your Mind" (reprise) based on
"This is a Showdown" by
Location........................................Ryan,
Christina, Clark,
Dave, Tomer
ACT I
Scene 1 - Ryan's apartment
CHRISTINA,
DAVE, and JAMIE are sitting in the room, drinking beers.
CHRISTINA: So where is Ryan, I
thought he's normally home by now.
JAMIE: I think he went to the
Jet Blue offices today to find out about that job.
DAVE: Oh yeah - the one where
he would get to fly for free, and even get free tickets for his friends.
CHRISTINA: I hope he got it, he
was really psyched about it.
RYAN
walks in the door, looking downtrodden
JAMIE: Ryan! So what happened? Did you
get the job?
RYAN: No....this sucks, my
life is ruined.
CHRISTINA: Awww... I'm sorry.
DAVE: Hey, we're having a party
at my apartment next weekend - that'll cheer you up.
RYAN: Thanks, but I don't think
I'll be in the mood to party... this is so depressing.
JAMIE: Don't say that Ryan....
I'm sure you'll get a different job.
RYAN: AH... forget it! Nobody
wants me, nobody really likes me; I don't know why you guys even hang
out with me.
CHRISTINA: No! That's not true
Ryan.
JAMIE: Yeah, everyone likes
you - you're awesome!
JAMIE, CHRISTINA, and DAVE perform....
Ryan Ryan Cheddar
To the tune
of "Chitty
Chitty Bang
Bang" from the musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
JAMIE,
CHRISTINA, DAVE
Oh you pretty Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar we love you
And with Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar, what we'll do
Here, there, sex everywhere
Oh what a happy time we'll spend
Cheddar, Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend
Cheddar Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend
CHRISTINA
You're hot as a movie star
Your face gets looks in every bar
You'll turn everybody's head today
Your life is like an acid trip
Smoke pot all day and skinny dip
The envy of all you meet
JAMIE,
CHRISTINA, DAVE
Oh you pretty Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar we love you
And that Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar, loves us too
Girls, boys, he'll do them all
Oh Ryan, Ryan - he won't stall
Cheddar, Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend
Cheddar Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend
JAMIE
You're uncategorical
A witty speaking oracle
A true sexual machine
You're more than spectacular
It's like supernatural
You're silly, you're funny, you're
smart
JAMIE,
CHRISTINA, DAVE
Oh Ryan, you Ryan, pretty Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar we love you
And Ryan, in Ryan, pretty Ryan Ryan
Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar, when he'll do
Daytime, Nightime, anytime at all
Oh Ryan, Ryan - he won't stall
Cheddar, Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend
Cheddar Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Our gay bisexual friend...
Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Ryan Ryan Cheddar
Gay bisexual Ryan Ryan friend
RYAN sits and watches, getting
happier and happier as the song progresses.
By the end,he gets up is very jubilant
RYAN: Wow guys, thank! That
cheered my up a lot. But still, what will I do about a job?
JAMIE: Maybe you can be a
babysitter, like me. If you want to see what it's like, you can
come with me tomorrow when I babysit this girl Lilly.
RYAN: Nah, I don't think
babysitting is really the job for me.
CHRISTINA: Oh, I have an idea!
Why don't you get a job at Starbucks. It seems like it could
be a pretty fun career.
DAVE: Yeah, that's a great
idea. I think you should try! [Jamie
nods]
RYAN: Hmmm... Starbucks eh?
Ah... why not! I'll do it. I'll be the best barista ever.
I'll go
and apply tomorrow. Thanks for the advice guys!
JAMIE: Good luck tomorrow
Ryan. I gotta go now though so I can get up for babysitting in the
morning.
JAMIE, DAVE, and CHRISTINA all get up and head for the door.
CHRISTINA: I think we'll head
out too, but I hope to get some coffee from you soon!
JAMIE, DAVE,
and CHRISTINA all EXIT.
RYAN is thoughtful and happy, muttering the refrain of the "Ryan Ryan
Cheddar" song to himself.
Scene 2 - Ryan's apartment
ASA enters the apartment.
ASA: Oh hey Ryan, what
are you so happy about? Did you get that Jet Blue job?
RYAN: No, but screw them. My
friends gave me a better plan. I'm gonna go apply to work at Starbucks!
ASA [looking apprehensive]: Starbucks?
Really? I've heard some bad things about that company...
RYAN is
completly oblivious to Asa's comment and paces around the room excitedly
RYAN: Oh, it's gonna be so
cool. I'll get to serve coffee. And drink coffee. Coffee with cream,
yes... that's
the
best kind of coffee...
RYAN and ASA perform....
I Just Can't Wait To Serve Cream
To the tune
of "I
Just Can't Wait to Be
King" from the musical The Lion King
RYAN
I'm gonna work for Starbucks, so
coffee-drinkers beware!
ASA
[spoken]
Well I'm worried about that company
I don't think they care
RYAN
I'm gonna be the best one ever
Like no kids were before
I'm brushing up on serving drinks
I'll get to pick my store
ASA
That's not much of a benefit
RYAN
Oh, I just can't wait to serve cream!
No one drinks without it
ASA
I don't want to either
RYAN
No one stressing me all day
Free to do it all my way
ASA
[spoken]
No I should tell you --
It's important --
What you don't realize --
Now see here!
They're definitely crooked!
RYAN
Free to work on my own hours
ASA
[spoken]
I think it's time that you go meet
the workers
[to audience]
Ryan surely needs advice
Or else he's gonna pay a price
If this is where Ryan wants to work,
Count me out
Coffee service? Serving tarts?
I wouldn't hang about
This kid is getting wildly out of hand
RYAN
Oh, I just can't wait to serve cream
Everybody tip me!
ASA
Nobody's gonna tip you
RYAN
Anything you want, I'm...
ASA
Gonna screw it up
RYAN
Come on!
RYAN, ASA
Let every man get ready for this thing
Lets see what tea and coffee he\I
will bring
It's gonna be Sir Ryan's finest fling
RYAN
Oh, I just can't wait to serve cream!
ASA
Oh, he just can't wait to serve cream!
RYAN
Oh, I just can't wait...
ASA
Just can't wait...
RYAN, ASA
To serve cream!
ASA: Well, we'll see how it
goes, but I'm pretty skeptical....
RYAN: Nah.... it's gonna be
great! I'm gonna go to sleep now so I can get up nice and early for my
new job!
RYAN heads to
bed as ASA shakes his head in disapproval.
Scene 3 - The School, the street, and
Starbucks
SARAH Z.
is standing by the door of her classroom with LILLY, a student.
SARAH Z. is impatiently looking at her watch.
JAMIE runs in, somewhat out of breath.
SARAH Z: Ah, finally, your
babysitter is here. Now I can finally go
home.
JAMIE: Sorry I am late, but the
A train was running slow today.
SARAH Z: Again?! That's the
train I take home. I can't stand these delays anymore. I'm gonna give
the mayor
a
call later today to tell him he should increase money for public
transportation in
the budget.
LILLY: I'M THIRSTY! [tugging on Jamie's arm]
JAMIE: Ok, ok, we'll stop by a
lemonade stand on the way home so you can get a drink.
SARAH Z: Lemonade that Phil and
Mikolaj made?
LILLY: No... no lemonade!
Lemonade is just a big charade. I want
coffee!
JAMIE: Fine.... we'll go to a
Starbucks. One of my friends was hoping to get a job there, we'll see
if he's working.
JAMIE and LILLY
start heading out
SARAH Z: Bye Lilly, see you
tomorrow.
LILLY: Bye bye Miss Zimmermoney!
SARAH Z. EXITS
JAMIE and LILLY
walk across the stage to the Starbucks
CLARK, the manager, and RYAN are inside the store
CLARK: Smile for the customers Ryan!
RYAN: Yes, Mr. Manager! [he looks nervous, but smiles]
JAMIE and LILLY
walk up to the counter
JAMIE: Oh wow Ryan, I
see you got the job! That's awesome!
RYAN: Yeah, yeah - it's great [he looks fearfully over his shoulder at
Clark]
CLARK: No
chit-chatting with your friends Ryan!
RYAN
stays silent and looks apologetically at Jamie
LILLY: I
would like a tall latte please
RYAN
starts making the coffee
CLARK: Faster
Ryan, faster! I'm not paying you 25 cents over minimum wage for you to
loaf around!
RYAN silently speeds up his coffeemaking
CHRISTINA walks in the door
JAMIE: Hi Christina. Look who's
working today!
CHRISTINA: Ryan! Congrats,
you got the job. But what's up with your uniform - it's so odd. That
thing
on the front looks like a butt gauze.
CHRISTINA and RYAN perform....
I Think It's a Pocket
Inspired
the original "I Think
It's a Pocket" by Ryan, Christina et. al.
RYAN
I think it's a pocket
CHRISTINA
It
looks like a butt gauze
RYAN
No, I think it's a pocket
CHRISTINA
Or
maybe it's a rocket
RYAN
Or some sort of socket
CHRISTINA
It
could be a docket
RYAN
Or even a sprocket
CHRISTINA
It
ain't Santa Clause
RYAN
I think it's a dog
CHRISTINA
I think
it's your mom, or an old fire log
RYAN,
CHRISTINA
But it's just a pocket
RYAN
hands LILLY the finished coffee she ordered
CLARK: When
I said "no talking with customers", I presumed "no singing with
customers" was implied!
Now get back to work! Go clean the bathroom!
RYAN: Yes, Mr. Manager
JAMIE: Ok, Lilly - it's time
to get you home. I'll see you later Christina!
CHRISTINA: Bye Jamie!
JAMIE and LILLY
walk "outside" the Starbucks, as lights fade on the Starbucks interior
set
Scene 4 - Outside Starbucks
TOMER, PETE, and
SARAH B. are walking in a circle outside
They carry crudely made signs with slogans for unionizing, fair wages
etc.
LILLY: What are these
people doing, Jamie?
JAMIE: I think they're in some
sort of picket; I'm not sure, lets go ask them.
JAMIE and LILLY approach the protesters
JAMIE: What are you
protesting?
TOMER: We're all
Starbucks workers fighting for our rights! We're trying to organize a
union,
but the company is doing all it can to stop us. All we want is to be
treated fairly.
LILLY: So how are they
mistreating you? And how can the union help workers?
TOMER, PETE, and SARAH B. perform....
I'ma Union
To the tune
of "I'ma
Hustla" by
Cassidy
TOMER
Worker ask about me, (yeah)
Worker ask about me, (yeah)
Worker ask about me, (yeah)
Worker ask about me
PETE
[Overlapping the hook, spoken]
This is for all my baristas thats
going through the struggle
thats on the grind, all my baristas
that ever had to scrounge
to make ends meet, this for yall man,
fuck starbucks man,
peter montelbano, this for the union
man
[REFRAIN -
SARAH B.]
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie,
(yeah)
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie,
(yeah)
Worker ask, Worker Worker ask about
me, (yeah)
Worker ask, Worker Worker ask about
me, (yeah)
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie,
(yeah)
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie,
(yeah)
Worker ask, Worker Worker ask about
me, (yeah)
Worker ask, Worker Worker ask about
me, (yeah)
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie,
(yeah)
I'm a union, I'm a I'm a union homie
TOMER
I'm a union, I'ma, I'ma union homie
I got the product, coffee for the
customers homie,
Fiends open, they be drinking like a
fish homie,
Managers phony so I gotta watch my
back homies,
If you screw up they could fuck with
yah homies,
You miss a couple bucks, they fire
you like that homie,
I get money, I get 10K a year, I got
50 bucks doin 10 hours a day
I get some help from my buds, I'm
takin' drugs
They hatin' cause I'ma start a union
- that's just what I love
When cops got the news they try to
bust us up
Cops stupid. They threaten us and
hope we'll drop
Try and bust my union you gonna take
a slug
And you should get a lawyer, if you
bustin' us
Cause you can't raid my house, I'ma
union, and it's all for good cause
[REFRAIN - PETE]
TOMER
I'm devoted to the union, our funds
will buy a new broom
I do more than just serve the room
Cuz my bills are coming too soon
My rent gonna be due at noon
Payroll checks come like once in a
blue moon
And I'm getting my dough from doing
shows
I made more dough on tour - yeah,
this blows
That's how I stay sane, I'm starting
up bands
All we need now is more folks like
Dave Rands
Just a simple band, no MTVs, we tour
I ain't gotta be rich, but I'm so poor
I know the system, and I'll overthrow
it
And the worker will rise when it's
time for him
And they will see you deal with the
real world
And their whole system will be gone
and swirled
I speak truth and if you bastards
doubt me
I'm a union, ask about me, ask about
me
[REFRAIN - PETE]
SARAH B.
You got paid, you got screwed, don't
be wasting the change
In 12th grade it was all just fun and
games
I was dumb young, selling tall lattes
to my classmates
Not about the rights chase, moving at
a fast pace
Never been a greedy, never did what
the greedies do
So I had to take loans before I
turned twenty two
Less money, more problems, it's true
Cuz the less money I make, the more
money for you
Yeah I got my own voice, you can't
silence me
Pete made a picket line, I made the
union sign
So take a note man, you gotta respect
it
We're the best, we'll get it perfected
Don't mess with the U-N, the I-O-N;
why?
Cuz it became the best, the I-W-W is
tight
We'll do it big, attack the C-E-O
Cuz we're strong like A-F-L, without
the C-I-O
[REFRAIN -
TOMER]
PETE
[spoken]
This is for all my baristas thats
going through the struggle
thats on the grind, all my baristas
that ever had to scrounge
to make ends meet, this for yall man,
fuck starbucks man,
peter montelbano, this for the union
man
JAMIE: Well that
certainly explains a lot. I wonder if Ryan should try joining this
union.
TOMER: Yeah, we need everyone
we can get!
JAMIE: But looks at those signs
you're carrying. They're so crude and ugly. I bet you would
attract a lot more followers if you had better ones. Hey Lilly, are you
good at art?
Could you maybe make better signs for these nice people?
LILLY: No.... I don't know
anything about art. Miss Zimmermoney told us at school that
there is no money in the budget for art, so they can't teach it to us.
JAMIE: What?! That's
outrageous? I'm not going to stay silent about this. I'm going to call
my city council representative right now to tell them they have to put
money in the
budget for art!
JAMIE pulls out
her cellphone and dials
The lights on the other end of the stage light up to reveal an office
with EMILIA, who answers the phone
EMILIA: City hall...
hello?
JAMIE: Hello. This is Jamie,
one of your constituents; and I am outraged because I just found out
there is
no money in the budget for teaching art at schools! If you don't fund
art, I'm not voting for you
in the next election.
EMILIA: [gasps] This truly is an outrage! I
had no idea art wasn't being funded. I'm going to write it into
the budget and bring it to the mayor right away!
Lights fade on
the "Outside Starbucks" part of the stage as JAMIE and LILLY exit.
Scene 5 - City Hall
EMILIA is sitting at
a desk, furiously writing a document.
IAN, the mayor, is sitting in an adjacent office when his phone rings.
Lights at the other end of the stage reveal SARAH Z. is making the
phone call
IAN: Hello... this is
the mayor speaking
SARAH Z.: Hello, this is
Sarah, a teacher in one of the city schools, and I have a complaint
about the
public transportation system.
IAN: Go on. I take mass
transit very seriously.
SARAH Z.: Well, I take the
subways to and from work every day, and they are always so
slow. Almost every day there is some sort of delay. You need to put
more
money into the budget for transportation!
IAN: I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll get this fixed immediately. In fact, I was just about
to work on the
city's budget. I'll make sure it gets funded through the roof!
SARAH Z. hangs
up and EXITS
IAN, EMILIA, ASA, CHRISTINA, and DAVE
perform...
The Budgeting is for Art
To the tune
of "The
Internet is
for Porn" from the musical Avenue Q
IAN
Finally, I get to make a whole budget
all by myself!
And I'm going to fund something
relevant, something useful.
The bus system!
This budgeting is really really great.
EMILIA walks
into Ian's office, but his desk faces away from the door, so he does
not see her
EMILIA
For art!
IAN
I've got a fast bus system so I don't
have to wait
EMILIA
But art...
IAN looks left
and right, but not behind him, and still doesn't see Emilia
IAN
Huh?
There's always some new bus,
EMILIA
But art...
IAN
I ride all day and night
EMILIA
But art...
IAN
It's like I'm traveling at the speed
of light
EMILIA
But art...
IAN finally
turns around and noticies Emilia in the doorway. She steps in closer.
IAN
Emilia!
EMILIA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
Emilia!
EMILIA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
What are you saying?!
EMILIA
What do schools need money for?
Art art art
IAN
Emilia...!
EMILIA
What is it Mr. Mayor?
IAN
You are ruining my plan!
EMILIA
Oh I know - I do mean to
EMILIA
Well, if you wouldn't mind let me
just explain my plan. Let me finish?
IAN
Yes, I'll listen
EMILIA
Good
IAN
I'm glad we have this new technology
EMILIA
For art?
IAN
Shush - you owe me an apology
EMILIA
But... oops, sorry
IAN
A bus stop on each block
EMILIA
But...
IAN
You can transfer rides or walk
Until you've had enough and have
reached your stop
EMILIA
But art!
IAN
Emilia!
EMILIA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
Noooo
EMILIA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
Emilia!
EMILIA
To be so smart, the kids need art.
art art art
IAN
That's false. You're a dumbass.
EMILIA
Ah, you're a jerk Mr. Mayor
IAN
No, really, you're so wrong.
Normal people don't need to learn art
or even read books
EMILIA
Ohhhh?
IAN
What?!
EMILIA
You have no idea.
Bring the constituents.
CHRISTINA,
DAVE, and ASA walk in
CHRISTINA,
DAVE, ASA
Hello... Hello.. Hello
EMILIA
Let me hear it!
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
The budgeting is for art!
DAVE
Screw the bus!
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
The budgeting is for art!
ASA
And reading books!
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
All these men, want Pounds and Yen
For art, art, art!
IAN
The budgeting is not for art!
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
Art art a..!
IAN
Hold on a second!
Now I know for a fact that you, Dave,
ride the subways and take the bus to work
DAVE
That's correct
IAN
And Christina, you have a monthly
metrocard
CHRISTINA
Sure!
IAN
And Asa, you keep a bus schedule on
your desk
ASA
Yes I do!
IAN
And you even took a bus to protest my
inauguration
ASA
True!
EMILIA
Oh, but Ian
What do you think they learned in
school? hmm?
ASA
...yeah
IAN
Ohhhhhhh!
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
Hmmm...
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
The budgeting is for art!
IAN
Let me think
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, DAVE, ASA
Don't resist the people's will
For art art art
IAN
I hate you voters!
EMILIA
For art art art!
art art art art
IAN
Alright already!
EMILIA AND
CHRISTINA
The budgeting is for
EMILIA,
CHRISTINA, ASA, DAVE
The budgeting is for art!
EMILIA
Yeah!
CHRISTINA, DAVE, and ASA EXIT
IAN: Ok, fine, fine -
I'll fund art. But I need to fund transportation too, so I have to find
some sort of compromise.
EMILIA: Maybe you can use some
money from the multi-billion dollar corporation you were CEO of before
you became mayor.
IAN: (sighs) Alright, alright.... I'll do
just that. The people have spoken up, and we'll have money for both art
and
transportation.
Scene 6 - Ryan's apartment
RYAN, CHRISTINA, and
ASA are sitting in the living room
RYAN sits on the couch and looks exhausted
CHRISTINA: So how is
work going; you seemed to be doing ok when I saw you at the Starbucks.
RYAN: It's awful! But I can't
say anything because I'm scared they'll fire me if I speak my mind.
ASA: I told you that working at
Starbucks wasn't be as fun as thought.
RYAN: Yeah, you were right.....
but what can I do? I need this job.
CHRISTINA: I really think you
should speak your mind and let your manager know what's
upsetting you. You gotta take a stand.
ASA: Yeah.... and what
specifically is it that's so bad about working there anyway? Like,
how was
your day today for instance?
RYAN, CHRISTINA, and ASA perform...
Ryan, Speak Your Mind
To the tune of "What's
My Age
Again" by Blink
182
RYAN
I went to work, it was a Friday night
I hoped to make it big, I thought it
was my right
We started making drinks, I spilled
them on my pants
And then Clark shoved and yelled at me
And that's about the time that I
chose to cry
Nobody cared enough to ask me why
And I just kept thinking how this
blows
What the hell is Iced Chai Tea?
My friends say I should speak my mind
CHRISTINA, ASA
Ryan speak your mind!
Ryan speak your mind!
RYAN
Then later on, on the late shift
I called a friend, from my cellphone
Clark said I was a jerk
And I can't do that at work
This store looks down on guys like me
And that's about the time I went to
cry again
Nobody cared enough to ask me why
And I was still afraid to say one
thing
What if they would fire me?
My friends say I should speak my mind
CHRISTINA, ASA
Ryan speak your mind!
Ryan speak your mind!
RYAN
And that's about the time I had my
bathroom break
I had to hold it in till six o-three
And clark still acts like I'm on the
shift
What the hell is wrong with him?
My friends say I should speak my mind
CHRISTINA, ASA
Ryan speak your mind!
Ryan speak your mind!
RYAN
And that's about the time I got my
paycheck
It was so small I wondered what the
heck?
The days it lasted for were less than
three
But I kept working silently
I am so scared to speak my mind
CHRISTINA, ASA
Ryan speak your mind!
Ryan speak your mind!
Ryan speak your mind
RYAN: You know, maybe I
will end up speaking my mind.... or at least maybe I can try joining
this
union that some of my co-workers are trying to form.
INTERMISSION
ACT II
Scene 1 - The School
SARAH Z. is teaching
a class, in which LILLY sits
JAMIE walks in the door
SARAH Z.: Jamie, you're
early. Class isn't even close to being over yet!
JAMIE: I'm sorry; but the
subways run so fast now, that I got here way faster
that normally. I guess they put more money in the budget for
transportation.
SARAH Z.: They sure did. And
not just for that. They put in money for art too.
So I can finally teach an art class! In fact, I'm going to teach one
right now. Have a seat Jamie, and maybe you can learn something too.
JAMIE: Awesome!
JAMIE sits next
to LILLY
SARAH Z., JAMIE, and LILLY perform...
NICE COLORFUL CRAYONS
To the tune
of "The
Bad Touch" (a.k.a. "Discovery Channel") by The Bloodhound
Gang
JAMIE and
LILLY draw throughout the song and act out to the lyrics where relevant
SARAH Z.
Quiet! Well class, we call this the
art of painting
And there are several other very
important types of art
From ancient to modern history that
you should know about
I'd appreciate some quiet
Draw children draw childen; art is a
way of life
I will teach you the kind of stuff
that Mayor Ian thinks is allowed
So smell the paint but don't faint
and I bet you'll feel high
Yes I'm Van Gogh, Yes I'm thorough,
there's no need to be so shy
You've drawn a line, now add a box,
it's looking fine, your art astounds
I see tomorrow, when you'll borrow,
my only paintbrush, Use browns!
Your pics are so complex, never fail
to perplex, just like Pablo Picaso you are inclined
To make your art surrealistic, it's
so much better than mine
Draw it now
LILLY
You and me Jamie drawin' such pretty
melons
And we do it using only these nice
colorful crayons
SARAH Z.
Draw it again now
JAMIE
You and me Lilly drawin' such pretty
melons
And lets rhyme it with the random
phrase "recovering felons"
Gettin' artsy now
SARAH Z.
Art - the kind you practice until you
master it
Like the great art pieces of Worhol,
or that fellow Edouard Manet
Any questions? Let me be specific - I
wanna be wowed and not displeased
But I got this notion that devotion
and emotion are already in your skills
But I criticize and your art refine,
B-plus - you broke your pencil tip
Please hurry up, the time is wasting,
don't eat that potato chip
Lets look at yours, then look at
hers, Cool pic! I love it so I smile
I can't believe the older budget, now
isn't art so worthwhile?
Draw it now
LILLY
You and me Jamie drawin' such pretty
melons
And we do it using only these nice
colorful crayons
SARAH Z.
Draw it again now
JAMIE
You and me Lilly drawin' such pretty
melons
And lets rhyme it with the random
phrase "recovering felons"
[REPEAT REFRAIN
3X]
LILLY
Gettin' artsy now
Lights
fade out the scene
Scene 2 - Starbucks
TOMER and RYAN are
working behind the counter, while CLARK keeps a watchful eye on them
CLARK: You guys are the
worst workers I've ever seen. You better shape up you'll be outta here
in no time!
TOMER: (whispers to Ryan) Man, that guy is
such an asshole. I don't know how much more I can stand of him.
RYAN: Me
neither...... I think it's time for me to speak up....
RYAN and CLARK perform...
All the Coffees
To the tune of "All
the Small
Things" by Blink
182
RYAN
All the, coffees
No cream, brown beans
I'll take, one sip
Your drink, please tip
Always, I know
I'll be, inferior
Eating, drinking, yuppies are meeting
CLARK
[spoken interjection]
There's poop in the bathroom!
RYAN
Say it ain't so, I will not go, clean
it yourself, you lazy old man
Na na na na na na na na....
[thumbing his nose at the manager]
Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
My pants have major coffee stains
My manager - he has no brains
CLARK
[spoken interjection]
Come in at 6am tomorrow!
RYAN
Say it ain't so, I will not go, come
early yourself, you lazy old man
Na, na na na na na na na....
[thumbing his nose at the manager]
[There is a long musical
intermission here; Ryan goes off to the corner of the store
to sweep something, while the
manager suspiciously comes up to the cash register,
takes out a $20 bill, and hides it
near a coffee machine in the opposite corner; Tomer,
however, notices this covert action]
CLARK
[spoken interjection]
The floor is still dirty. You're
getting a paycut!
RYAN
Say it ain't so, I need the dough,
please change your mind, I'll clean it all up
I'm not a fool, I went to school, I
had a dream, you ruined it all
This is so sad, why are you mad, i'm
just a man, with no secret plan
This is not fair, it's too much to
bear, but I won't give up, but I won't give up, and that I do swear
CLARK: How dare you
speak up against me and refuse my instructions? You will do as I say.
CLARK
walks over to the cash register and starts counting money
CLARK: What's this?! We
seem to be $20 short. (points
at Ryan) It's you wasn't it! You stole the money you thief!
RYAN: No I didn't!
CLARK: Yeah, right. You thief!
You stole my money! My hard-earned money! That's it! You're fired!
RYAN gasps and
grabs his head in despair. TOMER covertly pulls out his cellphone and
we see him dialing before the lights fade out.
Scene 3 - Ryan's apartment & Starbucks
RYAN is asleep in
his bed, tossing and turning. TOMER comes in and wakes him up
RYAN: Tomer? What is
it? What are you doing here? Did you get fired too?
TOMER: No, listen.... we know
you didn't steal the money of the manager. And soon, everyone will know.
RYAN: How?
TOMER: I called the mayor and our city council representative;
they're going to personally investigate. I told
them I saw the manager hide that money; they're going to search the
store, and as soon as they find
it, they'll know you're innocent!
RYAN: Well, that's great
Tomer, but does it really matter anymore? I mean, I don't really want
to go back to
work there.
TOMER: You have to come back!
Join our union, and we'll prevail over the managers. We just have to
speak
our minds - like you did. But we need all the help we can get - so
please - as soon as you're cleared
of the theft charges, come back to work, and join our union.....
RYAN: I don't know....
RYAN, TOMER, IAN and EMILIA perform...
The Money of the Manager
To the tune
of "The
Phantom of the
Opera" from the musical The Phantom of the Opera
Lights at the
other end of the stage reveal the Starbucks store.
IAN and EMILIA enter the Starbucks and begin a search for the manager's
hidden money
RYAN
In sleep he came to me
In dreams so lame
That boss which fired me
And caused me shame
And do I work again?
For now I know
The money of the manager is there
Inside the store
TOMER
Work once again with me
For this great cause
Our power over him
Grows stronger yet
And though he spies on us
and lies so much
The money of the manager is there
Inside the store
RYAN
Those who have cried "u-nion"
They have no fear
I am the one you freed
TOMER
It's you we need
RYAN, TOMER
Our spirit and our voice
In one combined
The money of the manager is there
Inside the store
IAN and EMILIA
locate the money the manager hid
IAN
Is that the money of the manager?
EMILIA
We found the money of the manager
TOMER
In all your thoughts you always knew
And it's no mystery...
RYAN
That Starbucks sucks
Lights
fade on the Starbucks part of the stage
RYAN, TOMER
And in this company
Where law is blind
The money of the manager is there
RYAN
Inside the store
TOMER
Join - our union my friend!
RYAN
It's there,
The money of the manager
TOMER
Join.... join.... join my union....
join my fellow service worker!
RYAN: Alright, I will join! And
we'll fight for our rights! And then we'll go party! You and all the
other workers are all invited
to a party my friend Dave is having this weekend.
Scene 4 - Outside Starbucks
IAN, EMILIA,
and CLARK are standing by the door
IAN: We found that
money that you hid and accused a worker of stealing!
EMILIA: We've had a lot of
complaints about your business - this better be the last time, or we
will shut you down.
IAN: Yeah, you gotta start
treating your employees with some respect.
CLARK looks
meek and repentful
CLARK: Yes,
I'm sorry.... please don't shut me down. This won't happen again. I'm
going to rething my whole attitude.
EMILIA: Yeah, you better!
IAN: [looks at his watch] Oh, but we
better go or we'll be late to the city council meeting, and then we
gotta head over to that party at
Dave's I've been
hearing all week about.
CLARK sits down on
the ground and hangs his head in shame; he looks thoughtful
IAN and EMILIA EXIT
TOMER, PETE,
SARAH B., and RYAN are walking towards the store, when they run into
JAMIE and LILLY
JAMIE: Hey
guys, look what Lilly made for you using her new art skills.
LILLY: They are signs and posters for you - they
are much nicer than your old ones!
LILLY
hands out the new signs to the workers, who are thrilled
TOMER: Wow!
These are awesome, thanks Lilly!
PETE: We'll attract a lot more
attention with these.
SARAH B.: And get our message
across easier
JAMIE: Well, good luck guys! I
have to take Lilly back home now, but then maybe we'll see you at
Dave's party.
JAMIE and LILLY
EXIT
TOMER, PETE,
SARAH B., and RYAN reach the Starbucks and start their picket
CLARK looks up at them briefly, eyes their signs, and stands up
CLARK performs...
The Worker Keeps His Job Tonight
To the tune
of "The District Sleeps Along
Tonight" by Postal Service
CLARK
Beers they drink.... their palms are
sweaty
And I'm barely listening to their
demands
I'm staring at their faces wondering
what's buried underneath
I was wrong
I was wrong
I'll read their sign.... a union
poster with big block letters adherent
to his chest
That tells the workers I am the jerk
around here
I am not nice or fair
And the only thing that I can say is
I was wrong
I was wrong
I was wrong
They seem so out of money in this
store that can be so crummy
A worker with no warm gloves
explaining that he cannot afford them
And I am finally seeing
That I was the one so greedy
That they are the ones so needy
U-nions win, at least tonight
TOMER, PETE,
SARAH B.
[overlapping]
He was wrong
He was wrong
He was wrong
CLARK
I will repent my errors and end these
workers' daily terrors
A worker with no hope left explaining
that I am just so mean
And I am finally seeing
That I was the one so greedy
That they are the ones so needy
TOMER, PETE,
SARAH B.
[overlapping]
He was wrong
He was wrong
He was wrong
CLARK
The worker keeps his job tonight,
I'll even raise his paycheck twice
And give him health insurance, I give
them my strong reassurance
Cause I am finally seeing
That I was the one so greedy
That they are the ones so needy
That I was the one so greedy
That they are the ones so needy
CLARK: I'm
sorry guys, I know I was a jerk and it will be a long time till you
forgive me, but I promise to make things better from now on.
RYAN: Well, we'll see if you
live up to your word. But you should see that we are all good and fun
people. Why don't you come to my friend
Dave's party tonight.
CLARK:
Alright, thanks - I'll definitely do that.
Scene
5 - Dave's Party
EVERYONE from the
cast is at the party
ASA: Well,
I guess everything turned out alright after all.
SARAH Z.: The transportation
budget got increased, and the subways are running really fast now!
IAN: That's right!
JAMIE: And art got funding too,
so it gets taught in schools as it should be!
EMILIA: Uh huh!
PETE: But most importantly,
Ryan spoke his mind, and made a difference for all the Starbucks workers
DAVE: So now, lets all party at
this Location like it's 1999!
RYAN, CHRISTINA, CLARK, DAVE, and
TOMER perform...
Ryan, Speak Your Mind (reprise)
To the tune
of "This is a Showdown" by
Location
CHRISTINA
This is a Starbucks:
The workers slaved inside a store
And only one of them.... spoke out
his mind
I'm so proud to inform you - it was
this man
RYAN
I had the guts
To get a fair deal
See just this once
I spoke my mind.
I spoke my mind.
TOMER
U-nion!
Either you can help yourself, speak
your mind and then they will sway,
Or you can shut your mouth and let
the managers prevail
RYAN
It was long ago that I tried to work
with aeroplanes
But that was not to be my ultimate
fate
I learned to speak my mind
And grew myself some balls, some balls
Too bad the boss is not here
I would punch out his nose
Oh I am... I am just kidding you
During
the preceding three verses, CLARK comes to the foreground and responds
to RYAN with facial expressions of anger
RYAN is indicative that he really was "just kidding"
CLARK
A truthful display, of broken
discarded dreams
I suppose it's now much much too late
to apologize
even with the proper salutation.
It might have calmed you some to
know, to have seen the sweatshops out
there
To know you weren't the first ones to
be oppressed
No, you're not alone!
No, you're not alone in your great
quest for health care and fairness
RYAN, CLARK
This will be a night to, night to
remember
The night that we have all made peace
TOMER, PETE,
SARAH B.
U-nion!
RYAN, CLARK
And you and me happy. You and me are
so... down
RYAN
I'm so glad I spoke my mind
CLARK
And I always knew that.... I was a
jerk
RYAN
You know that I forgive you
As long as you improve things
CLARK
There's so much that I will do... I
promise you
DAVE
[spoken, to audience]
Even in the bleakest of times, when
the Starbucks workers were devoid
of all hope, all it took
was one man to stand up and speak
out. While many may be punished and
fired in this noble
fight, it is important to stand up
for one's rights and remember that
even the cruelest of
men can be turned into good citizens
of our fair world. Any one man,
like our hero Ryan,
can help fight the injustice. All he
has to do is speak his mind.
RYAN slides
down on his knees towards the front of the stage, with the his arms out
to the audience at the conclusion of the musical
RYAN
I'm gonna speaaaaak myyyyyy miiiind!
THE END